Emotional Torment & Abuse of Women

Symptoms of Wife Abuse (abusive husbands)

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of size, gender, or strength, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.

Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don't hesitate to reach out. There is help available.

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn't "play fair." Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused -- especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it's coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe.

Recognizing abuse is the first step to getting help

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of pain -- and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

Signs of an abusive relationship

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner -- constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up -- chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.

Emotional abuse: It's a bigger problem than you think

When people think of domestic abuse, they often picture battered women who have been physically assaulted. But not all abusive relationships involve violence. Just because you're not battered and bruised doesn't mean you're not being abused. Many men and women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimized or overlooked -- even by the person being abused.

Understanding emotional abuse

The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you're the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without your abusive partner you have nothing.

Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if you don't do what they want.

You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse -- sometimes even more so.

thanks helpguide.org

Listening to God

Love Without Limits

Set Her Free :: Love Without Limits

Signs Your Husband May Be Abusive Lies Abusers tell their Victims Wife victims of verbal (emotional) abuse Is He an Emotional Abuser? Spousal Emotional Abuse = Domestic Violence Are YOU Being Emotionally/Verbally Abused? You Are Not Crazy Growing Beyond Emotional Abuse - Links Domestic Violence and Abuse White man falling, epidemic of porn in USA

The Healing Club When Love Hurts Geared toward female victims Dr. Irene's Verbal Abuse Site For abusers Women In Need Support & Outreach  Emotional Violence: Psychological Abuse Gift From Within Post Traumatic Stress Disorder A Warning to the Men : porn pigs American "leadership" in the wrong way?

LINK SITES

BOOKS FOR VICTIM WIVES

Excerpts from The Domestic Violence Sourcebook:

"Emotional abuse:  Consistently doing or saying things to shame, insult, ridicule, embarrass, demean, belittle, or mentally hurt another person ... withholding money, affection, or attention; forbidding someone to work, handle money, see friends or family, make decisions, socialize, keep property; flaunting infidelity; engaging in destructive acts; forcing someone to do things she does not want to do; manipulation; hurting or threatening children or pets; threatening to abandon; threatening to take children away ... refusing to help someone who is sick or hurt."

"The abusive man tries to take away his partner's power, while at the same time giving her the ultimate power to grant or deny him happiness by expecting her to make everything in his world perfect.  No woman can live up to the expectations ... because they are, by definition, impossible.  When she 'fails', he becomes enraged.  This also explains why the point of separation is often the most dangerous: Abusive men have a terrible fear of abandonment, and become desperate when they feel they could lose their partner."

"An abusive boyfriend often forces his girlfriend to abandon other friends, become alienated from her family, spend all her time with him, or even ... quit school.  The abuse generally starts with intimidation and verbal abuse, including name-calling, put-downs, and exploiting insecurities that are magnified during adolescence, such as the fear that no one else will want to date the girl.  It often involves the familiar control issues, such as activity control and isolation from family and friends.  The abusive teen often displays characteristic 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality swings ... Young women tend to be susceptible to romantic notions that 'true love' means an all-encompassing passion that allows for jealousy, possessiveness and aggression as a demonstration of devotion and commitment ... even those with a mature perspective, who know jealousy is not love and realize their abusive boyfriends are not likely to change, still have a hard time leaving the relationship."

"Most women are raised to believe that the woman is the primary caretaker of the family, the member responsible for 'holding things together'.  We are also taught from the days of childhood that 'Love conquers all'.  Many women believe on some level that if only they love a man enough, they can 'save' him and he will change.  Those who stay learn that he will not."

"You Don't Own Me" (Lesley Gore)
The Wife's "Personal Bill of Rights"

Dr. Susan Forward's "Personal Bill of Rights":

1. The right to be treated with respect
   
2. The right not to take responsibility for anyone else's problems or bad behavior
   
3. The right to get angry
   
4. The right to say no
   
5. The right to make mistakes
   
6. The right to your own feelings, opinions and convictions
   
7. The right to change your mind or decide on a different course of action
   
8. The right to negotiate for change
   
9. The right to ask for emotional support or help
   
10. The right to protest unfair treatment or criticism

  D O R K

Materialism has been a blessing in almost every sense. But there are actually some ways in which side effects have been less than positive. We work less hard than our ancestors, spend less time "tilling fields" or toiling (the back-breaking drudgery) to survive. But suburban white man, especially, has been lured by some of the distractions of civilization, and has wound up the worse for it. He has neglected his family in the pursuit of "success" or entertainment. He has sacrificed some of the manliness that past generations earned the hard way.

He may ask: how can his own flaws and crimes have anything to do with his wife's "love deficit." When she is 'running on empty.' Religion says (I Corinthians 7:3) the husband has a duty, literally a solemn binding obligation, to satisfy his wife emotionally and sexually. If she feels stifled or neglected, the husband has to answer for that. Yet many of today's white men are borderline porn perverts, or porn creeps (as the wife knows most of all). Betty Friedan once said there are many such suburban wives, caught in loveless marriages, dismayed by the inadequacies of their marriages, confused and unhappy, angry and often humilated by their husband's behavior, who are psychologically "primed" for some dashing, confident "bad boy" eager to sweep her off her feet -- a temptation to spread her wings and fly. (Again, see Eldridge Cleaver, primeval mitosis)